~~Joe's Obituary~~

Joseph

Joseph, 51, of Clayton, New York, died of cancer April 4, 2008 at his home with his faithful canine companion, Rocco at his bedside. He was surrounded by the devoted loving care of his beloved life partner, Ali. He was under the care of Hospice.
Born December 1, 1956 in New York City, he grew up in the "Little Italy" section of Manhattan, New York, attending schools there. Joe enjoyed traveling our country while employed as a courier after high school.
In 1977, he enlisted in the United States Army where he was a squad leader in Germany and Fort Hood, Texas, a recruiter in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, nuclear weapons security manager while on a second tour in Germany and assistant operation supervisor/infantry squad leader at Fort Drum, New York, where he was honorably discharged after 18 years of service.
Joe held the position of Administrative Assistant at Northern Regional Center for Independent Living in Watertown, New York for seven years. While working at NRCIL, continuing right up to his death, Joe had been an active advocate for disability rights. He then was employed by Jefferson Rehabilitation Center as a stock clerk at Central Issuance Facility, Fort Drum, New York. He also worked as a census taker for the United States Census Bureau.

Joe was also an advocate for organ donations, having received a liver transplant in January 2006. His most passionate association was being a member of Tobacco Prevention Awareness Cessation Coalition where he was an active advocate against tobacco use. He thoroughly enjoyed being captain of team T-PACC for Jefferson County's annual Relay For Life event, which is the American Cancer Society's signature fundraising event, which is an overnight experience designed to bring together those who have been touched by cancer, and to raise awareness. Joseph was a communicant at St. Vincent of Paul Church. Surviving besides his loving and devoted life partner are three brothers and their wives, Frank and Betty, New York, Michael and Dolores, New Jersey, Paul and Sylvia, New York, a sister and her husband, Toni and Ben, New York, and a host of aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews and nieces. At the request of Joseph, there will be a "Celebration of Life" gathering at the Ramada Inn on Saturday, April 12th, 2008 at 7 PM in the Renaissance Room.
Memorial contributions can be made to team T-PACC, American Cancer Society, ACS PO Box 357, Watertown, NY 13601, or Hospice Foundation of Jefferson County, Inc., 425 Washington Street, Watertown, NY 13601

~~Now I say GOOD BYE~~

Death and dying are things that are hard and difficult to discuss in our society, often avoided. We tend to fight and look for solutions right to the end.
Joe knew that dying and the preparation of death is a part of life. When Joe came to know that he wasn’t going to be here another 50 years, he focused on his family, his faith and his friendships.
He thoroughly enjoyed going to Mass and his involvement with the church. He often told me that one of his favorite parts of Mass is when we offer each other the sign of peace. That was when he connected the most with people, even if it was only for a moment.
We were able to go to New York City a few times over the past few years, to celebrate glorious events, with his brothers and sister, their wives and husband, sharing in their lives. He took me all around, seeing where he grew up, went to school, where he played “iron tag,” many things like that. To a bystander, it must have looked like he never left. He enjoyed those times so much.
He was so excited when his family came to see him in March. Bringing all the goodies they could think of from Manhattan, I swear. Homemade lasagna, and eggplant parmesan, there’s still some “good” rye bread in the freezer! Joe said it was like Christmas all over again.
He was so worried that he wasn’t a good host, but as his brother stated…..they can pretty much entertain themselves. Joe was always a kind and gentle host. What a wonderful visit it was.
He loved his friends, and he loved to entertain. When we had our house warming party, he was in his glory. Making lists, buying stuff, making sure that everything was just so. He always wanted to make a person comfortable and happy.
Joe and I had such a wonderful chance to grieve together. He shared his memories. He shared his thoughts and wishes and mostly he just enjoyed every single day of his life. We shared feelings of great sadness, the feelings of our impending “loss” from one another. We spoke of our love, our fears and every emotion you could possibly imagine. There wasn’t a day that I can remember that Joe did not say, “Ali, there’s nothing more to say….we’ve said it all, we’ve done it all, we have it all, but I still need to say I love you.” OH, how I know it!!!
I know there are many great men in this world but I know you will understand that in my opinion that Joe was the greatest man in the world. From the first words that we shared to the last “I love you” that we said, we were bonded together by a love that will never be equaled.
When Joe was well, we used to dance right in our kitchen, for hours, for days, just listening to FROGGY 97. Some of my greatest memories involve the music that he enjoyed so much. Always jumping out of bed at 7 AM, trying to hear the “Birthday” of the day at 7:10, trying to win the $50.00. (We never did hear our birthdays.) But we did win lots of other stuff from Froggy---tickets to concerts, plays, CD’s and the greatest thing of all, friendship…..we could always get a request on the air!
The songs you hear tonight are some of his favorite songs. They are not all country---mostly, but not all. It was as if the song writers knew Joe when some of these were written. Please enjoy the music.
Joe loved and respected our country so. He was so proud to be a soldier. When speaking of any services that he wanted, it was stated that he was entitled to military honors. He made it quite clear that he did not want that, he felt that in these uncertain times, with a war going on, there was no reason to keep “soldiers from soldiering.”
If you look at Joe’s memory board, you will see his tribute to 9/11. He made that himself out of bed parts and stuff lying around, and would put it out on the lawn at the cottage the first week of September. It was complete with blinking lights on the one tower. It was his way to do something to remember all those who perished that day. When we moved into our home he decided to dismantle the tribute and make a new one. That is something that never came to be, that’s a task he’s left up to me, and let me assure you, it will come to be.
After 30 some years of smoking, for the both of us, we stopped, August 20, 2004. Joe then became involved with Tobacco Prevention Awareness Cessation Coalition (T-PACC.) He then became team captain for team T-PACC for Jefferson County’s Relay for Life, American Cancer Society’s signature fundraising event. He blossomed in that roll. Joe was always trying to think of interesting ways to secure donations. He tried Mr. Blinky, Cans for a Cure, auction items…and for our last Relay…..“Hot dogs……get your Hoffman hot dogs.” What a blast he had….he was so thankful for each and every penny that was raised.
Joe loved life. January 27th, 2006 he was given an extension on his life, God wasn’t quite ready for him yet, there were tasks that he needed to complete. Joe was blessed with such an awesome gift. Joe received a liver transplant. He didn’t talk about that much. His liver had failed because of Hepatitis C and the damage it had done to his body. He was just so thankful, a million times over, for the gift from a total stranger to him. God bless families of organ donors, God bless organ donors.
Not once did Joe ever ask “Why Me?” he accepted his fate and always said “This is how it is meant to be.”
Of course I could go on and on about how wonderful Joe was. Yet I must remember and respect him just the same, he always said “I just don’t want it to be about me.” I’m so sorry Joey, forgive me please, tonight’s for you, it has to be.
Just one more thing I have to relate, is the love he shared with his Rocco. Never could you see a more fitting relationship between a man and his dog. Rocco was orphaned when Joe took him in. They loved each other so much. Rocco knows Joe is no longer here, he misses him dearly, I am sure, but as all of us know “All Dogs Go to Heaven,” Rocco will be with Joe some other day.
As I close, I’d like to share one last thing, a quote from Pope John Paul VI, something Joe truly understood: “Somebody should tell us, right from the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of everyday. Do it I say! What ever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows.”
Thank you all so much for being here. Thank you for remembering Joe.